I’ve just returned from the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writing Conference, where I received a lot of questions about my book… especially this one.
Let’s break it down…
Christian – One who follows Jesus Messiah
Prenuptial – Before marriage
Agreement – Becoming of one mind
Since God tells us in Genesis that we become one marriage, surely becoming of one mind can’t be a bad thing.
In fact, everyone will tell you that it’s a good thing to discuss everything before marrying and be in agreement on what you are planning… finances, children, residence.
When I explain this, people agree that it’s a good thing… and, no, it is not an oxymoron. Can I get an amen?
The Real Concern
When I ask enough questions, the real concern stems from they message of American modern secular prenups. You know, they say something like, “If you don’t make me happy, then I’ll take my marbles an go home.” They are usually plans for divorce, and have nothing to do with becoming one. Perhaps they are better described as dating contracts with sexual benefits. There is no true commitment to become one for better or worse. I am so offended by this I wrote the book. I convinced that God’s offense with these agreements is why he laid this book on my heart. Isn’t it time to take back the real purpose for making a premarital agreement such as God made with us?
Putting your Covenant in Writing?
God laid this book on my heart when I studies the life of Moses in Bible Study Fellowship. Having just done this study for a second time, I am more profoundly amazed at how faithful God was to his covenant with us… putting it in writing. Why shouldn’t we? I am not alone in the call to write your covenant down. Most Christian family/marriage organizations like Family Life, recommend putting your covenant in writing. Isn’t that a Christian Prenuptial (or Postnuptial if you are already married) Agreement?
Contemplation of Divorce?
When God wrote His covenant with us, He knew that we would be a rebellious lot and would fail. It wasn’t if we would fail, it was when we fail. And even so, God remains faithful to His covenant. He even had Moses write the Song of Moses to let them know that when they went into the Promised Land, they would fail, but God would be faithful. (Check out Deuteronomy 31:14 – 32:47)
Should we Contemplate Divorce?
Yes… we should recognize that we are sinners and that we will return to our selfish ways when we get to the Promised Land (married life). If you fail your spouse, what will you do? Will you promise to take action to avoid divorce? Will you agree to go to counseling? What will you do to keep yourself accountable to your covenant? Will you put that in writing? Isn’t that a holy thing? Isn’t that what God did for us?
Should it be a Legal Document?
All law was given by God. It is God’s law that we remain faithful to our marriage covenant?
However, in many ways man’s laws contradict what we agree to in marriage? By applying for a marriage license, you are tacitly agreeing with outcomes imposed by the state. (Do you even know what the marriage laws of your state are?) But in many instances you may have the opportunity to right the wrongs created by man’s law. Isn’t it your duty to define your marriage the way God would have you define it to the greatest extent possible?
(I highly recommend at least meeting with an attorney to discuss the implications of state laws on your marriage, parenting, and property. You suspect that you will surprised.)
That being said, even if you don’t pursue the preparation of a legal agreement, would it not be the godly thing to do to put your plans and covenant in writing?
If you truly plan to love your fiance until death parts you… for better or worse… won’t you honor him/her and put that in writing?